Male sexual harassment

Onuora Onianwa

Sexual harassment can be defined as unwanted advances, requests for sex, sexual favours and any other form of physical or verbal harassment in the work place, learning place, home or anywhere else. It is a common thing all over the world, but Nigeria will of course be my focus.

In these climes, sexual harassment and rape is often dismissed. Nigeria does not have stringent laws about such things and the existent ones are rarely enforced. When it comes to males being victims of such things, the reaction they get and subsequent treatment is not much different from that of the females because they find themselves and their claims dismissed albeit from a different point of view.

When a male is on the receiving end of sexual advances he has no interest in and he complains or makes an issue out of it, he is called a cry baby. For some reason, society continues to have two strong beliefs about men, regardless of who they are, where they are from, their character and even their age in some cases. These are that men are meant to be strong, emotionless people who do not think or feel anything “deep,” and the second belief is that men are people who like sex so much that they do not mind who is bringing such their way, how and why.

This is of course ridiculous and helps no one but many men, being brought up this way and possibly enjoying the sexual escapades, then take it in their stride. This is why on the reverse side, more harassment and rape cases have men as the perpetrators and not victims. A lot of men are set in their belief that women exist meant to be slept with and groped as they wish and that when a woman says no, she actually means yes. These things then make it hard for other decent, mature men who know better to make complaints, perhaps file law suits and get these things addressed. They are called babies, unserious and liars.

I recall a post sometime back where someone was making jest about a story where a man was raped. The reason for the laughter was that if he did not want it and enjoy it, then he would not have been sexually aroused and then the offensive idea that men just like sex anyhow was brought up again. First of all, sexual arousal can occur even when someone is being harassed and raped. The human body responds to stimuli and touch is one of the chief ways for sexual stimulation. That a man achieves an erection or a woman’s vagina gets lubricated does not mean they want to be violated or touched. This is something that can be done to anyone by someone who knows how and where to touch them. It happens.

Besides, when boys are raped or sexually harassed by their female teachers and house helps, which arousal was taking place then? So how does that idea hold any water? These ideas are wrong and quite sickening. The way a woman can say no and it should be respected is the way a man should be able to say he does not want to be touched, flirted with or taken to bed. Not all men are immoral or have an interest in sleeping with anything that looks female. Some of us have standards and we want to keep them – single or married and society needs to understand this and accept it. If a man says no, madam, walk away. If you do not respect that, it is harassment. His being married or single has no bearing on the matter!

If a man is threatened with the loss of his job, money, life, health or in any other way manipulated or forced to have sex with a woman, it is rape. If his drink is mixed with drugs to make him pliable, it is rape and if he is a minor (under the legal age to agree to sex willingly) it is also rape. Women are not the only victims and the sooner people grasp this, the better.

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